Conflict cycles with couples

January 13, 2016 in Couples, Concepts, How I work

Below is a video of me explaining what conflict cycles are and how they can cause difficulty in relationships.

Note: If you have problems loading the video you can also watch it on YouTube.

For more information:

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Little, Brown & Co.

Or contact me

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This is the place where I add insight to how I work and explain concepts that I hope will be helpful.

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Couples who come to see me generally are distressed in some way about the condition of their relationship. This might feel like a lot of sadness or hopelessness, or it might be a lot of anger, frustration and blame. It often feels like they can’t talk to their partner anymore and that whatever they try they can’t seem to fix what feels broken in their relationship.

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When faced with conflict with someone who is important to us, we all have default strategies that tell us how to handle it. These are shaped by our personalities, our life experiences in general, and our experience in relationship with the person. While these strategies are unique to each person and the situation, they tend to fall into a couple main categories. What’s more, people tend to be in relationship with someone of the opposite type. This can be really confusing and make our partner’s responses easily misunderstood.